ART

There is an idea that has tormented me lately, in the same way that a bug gets tormented in a spider web. The idea is about the duality of life: the light vs. the dark, the conscious vs. the subconscious, and the physical world vs. the spiritual world.

Last year, I had my most financially successful year working for several different companies, laboring virtually every hour of every day, except Sunday. I drove myself into the concrete New York City pavement because my labor is physical and requires me to travel often. The only thing that drove me was that bottom line number on my excel sheet.

Truthfully, hitting that number felt great. When I first started my personal training business four years ago, I believed that I could earn six figures. I shared this ambition with my mom, who didn’t see my vision. She battled with me once a week until I finally had enough and told her that these conversations were useless because I am not going to change.

In truth, the more she tried to convince me to not go for it and pursue a desk job at a finance company with prospects of becoming partner, the more deeply I wanted to see my vision through.

I was proud of myself for sticking to my guns and becoming the man that I felt excited about. But, there was something missing. In the pursuit of more physical pleasure, I had lost my voice. Although, I earned more money, I didn’t save a dime for six months. All of the money went to luxury vacations, a bigger apartment, and fancy restaurants a couple of times a week.

There is nothing wrong with upgrading my lifestyle, however, I was upset because I no longer had any free time to do things that I wanted to do. With more money, I had more obligations and more bills to pay. In the midst of the chaos, the only thing that I screamed for was peace.